Best homework assignment ever.

 As IT people, we will face many challenges as we move forward. And even though we circumnavigate an endless stream of unappreciative bosses, ever-changing software and hardware, lack of respect from non-geeks, and a veritable bevy of horrific clients (designers especially) one challenge rises above all others.

ROBOTS.

Robots pose the number one challenge faced by IT people, because surviving a robot apocalypse is going to be the number one challenge faced by ALL people. These won’t be the lovable Johnny 5 type robots from short circuit, offering memorable quips and one-liners such as “Hey, Laserlips!” and “Your mother was a snowblower”. These are the robots we all wanted as kids (and now), and no, Johnny 5, we would never DISASSEMBLE you. The robots that pose the greatest challenge to IT people are going to be more akin in demeanor, if not design, to the T-800 endoskeletons from the Terminator franchise. Never sleeping, never eating, and hell-bent on destruction. These machines will not be hardwired to obey Asimov’s 3 laws of robotics.

This is what will happen if you buy from Apple.

   Even as you read this, robotics firms such as iRobot and Braintech are developing nigh unstoppable killing machines. Challenges faced by Digital designers and IT people (and all people) will include, but not be limited to:

1)      Facing a relentless enemy: Robots are models of efficiency. Robot production will be around the clock, as the robots building other robots do not take cigarette breaks. In the time it takes to destroy 1 robot on the front lines, 3 more will be produced.

2)      Lack of training: Fighting the mechanical hordes will be a brutal assault on our minds and bodies. As digital designers and IT people are generally a fey and doughy bunch, the culture shock of being hurled into all out war will be especially harrowing.

3)      Lack of Equipment / Supplies: We as suburban Americans are not at all outfitted with the right gear to fend off an invasion of emotionless machines. With the exception of Ben Eisbrenner, who is an army guy. Smart money says Benhas guns.

   The iRobot menace is perhaps the most startling. iRobot  was founded by MIT graduates. Not only are these some of the brightest engineers and mathematicians in the world, but also likely nerdy enough to have developed a deep hatred for humanity as a whole. As far as building an army of machines goes, they have the means AND the motive. They were stuffed into lockers as kids, and their vindication will come as they order their strike force of monstrous automatons to snuff out humanity as a whole.

   Even with robotics still in its infancy, iRobot’s devious plan is already in motion. iRobot developed the ROOMBA, a seemingly benign machine marketed under the guise of cleaning your floors. The ROOMBA is a small device that finds its way through an entire home by means of geometry. It continues “bumping” into walls, and turning at seemingly random increments, until it covers the entire floor. MORE LIKE DOING RECON. Have you ever taken one apart? Do you KNOW that it doesn’t have a camera providing a live video feed to its nerdy overlords?

Death Squad

   Furthermore its design is flat and round, with “ROOMBA” printed in large, friendly letters across the top. One cannot help but think of the smiley face on the rattlesnake’s hood when looking at this unimposing domestic war machine.

As of July 2010, over 4.5 million ROOMBAS have been sold in the United States alone. They outnumber our police by a factor of 6! The sheer number of these machines will confront Digital Designers and IT people with even further challenges, as we will be greatly outnumbered. If it’s this easy to put a robot that vacuums in over 15% of American homes, consider how easy it will be to install a hulking positronic soldier that does ALL chores into EVERY home. Our destruction is near.

So, in conclusion, the challenges we face as Digital Designers and IT people will be massive, unless we all submit to our mechanical masters and beg for mercy.